honestly i hate when people try to sugar coat shit like if you don’t like me or don’t wanna hang or don’t wanna talk to me just fucking tell me don’t keep ignoring me and expect me to figure out the hint like that’s such a bitch ass move i’d rather hear it from you than be ignored 99% of the fucking time.
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I was there for him. Always. He used to call me at 3am and there was not a time that I wouldnβt pick up. He needed me when he was down, when he was drowning in his own fucked up world, his eyes bloodshots, his voice shaking and thoughts mixed up. I always complained about him waking me up but I loved hearing his voice. I loved how he told me fairytales to make me fall asleep. He only cared about me when he needed help. Thatβs it. He manipulated me with soft words to keep me around, to keep me open for when he comes reaching me again. But Iβm not stupid. Yes, I was blind enough to let him hurt me over and over again many times but I wonβt let that happen again. I miss him, I miss his voice and texts and ocean blue eyes. I miss the person he used to be, not the one he is now. Is it ever going to stop ?
- Me: ok, ok, gotta get off tumblr, gotta get the fuck off of tumblr to finish homework
- Me: *closes tab*
- Me: *grabs phone*
- Me: *opens tumblr app on phone*
- Me: shit
“You’re asking me what I want for breakfast and I’m telling you about how when the worst thing happened, I didn’t even cry. You’re handing me a receipt from the laundromat down the street and I’m passing you a bundle of letters that I wrote to God when I was fourteen and scared. You’re passing me the milk after you drip it into your coffee and I’m half laughing about the psychiatrist’s office and how there’s actually a couch and it’s made of blue tweed. You’re trying to do the normal things and I am throwing up dull pieces of truth onto our kitchen table. I can’t lie anymore. These are the things I’ve done and they’re mostly sad. These are the places I’ve been and they’re mostly awful. This life has woven itself into the notches of my spine and I hear it creak every time I stand.”
— Fortesa Latifi - dull pieces of truth
(via adderalldust)
- My anxiety: somethings off
- Me: how so?
- Anxiety: somethings wrong
- Me: what
- Anxiety: something
- Me: like can you give me a general idea
- Anxiety: somethings off
You think you’ve seen her naked
because she took her clothes off?
Tell me about her dreams. Tell me
what breaks her heart. What is she
passionate about, and what makes
her cry? Tell me about her childhood.
Better yet, tell me one story about
her that you’re not in.You’ve seen her skin, and you’ve
touched her body.
But… you still know
as much about her as a book you
once found, but never got
around to opening.
- me at 15 years-old: don't tell me what to do
- me at 20 years-old: please tell me what to do
If weβre gonna date weβre going to be 100% sure about each other. Iβm doing something wrong or acting weird, talk to me. You need sometime alone, let me know. Feeling lonely? Iβll be there. If weβre gonna date iβm going to be supportive about everything. Your dreams are my dreams. If you fall, iβll be there to pick you right back up. Donβt be afraid to trust me. I donβt care how you look, let me love what youβre most insecure about. Introduce me to your family, let me prove to your mom that her daughter will always have someone to take care of her. Let me bond with your dad and siblings, a family cookout, a sports game, whatever. Let me prove to you aunts, uncles and cousins that two girls can fall in love with each other. Lets go hiking, adventuring, lets travel the world together. Let me take you to amusement parks, museums, zooβs and aquariums. Let me show you off to the world, someone as beautiful as you is too hard to hide. Be silly with me. Let me send you ugly snapchats and post up pictures that you think are ugly, but lets admit it, youβre the beautifulest person out there. Lets prank each other. Scare me as I walk into your room, trip me but catch me before I fall, push me off the bed, tickle me until I canβt take it anymore. Tired after a long day? Let me give you a foot massage, let me rub your back, let me make you forget about everything stressing you out. Letβs get drunk, go to the club and dance all night long. You fell in love with something in the store, iβll buy it for you. Lets volunteer together, feed the homeless and help build a school together. Lets run marathons, even if we walk the end together. Youβre feeling sad about something? Talk to me. Let me take you on random dates, even if itβs just an ice-cream with a drive up to the nicest view in the city. I want to cuddle with you at night. Are you afraid of the dark? Iβll be there to help you feel safe. Let me kiss your forehead as your asleep and let me wake you up to some breakfast. Donβt feel like going out? Weβll stay in, order some pizza, grab some ice-cream and watch some Netflix. Let me give you the shittiest lap dances in the world. Letβs get lost in each others bodies and eyes. Letβs get lost in each other. If youβre mine, itβs you and only you.
“Forgive me if what has seemed little to you, to me is all.”
— José Saramago, tr. by Tim Crosfield, from his nobel speech c. 1998
me: theres no reason for me to be anxious right now!!!
my brain: .....debatable
